This story is about a mother that maintains a illicit relationship with a teenage boy, told from the perspective of her daughter, who seems somewhat disgusted by her mother’s activity, but has more or less accepted it as part of life. The first sentence of the story explains the premise of the story, and many of the details about the family and the affair are explained rather bluntly. I think the story could benefit from some illustration of some of these things, as we never get any idea what James or the mother are like. Perhaps an interaction between the narrator and James could help bring the characters to life a little more.
There are some very acute details that I think work in the stories favor, such as the nail polish colors and the Sony jambox. These details help develop the sense of time, and if coupled with some strong scenes, would be very powerful. Mentioned in the story is the scene that presumably began the affair. Why not show this scene rather than just telling about it?
No comments:
Post a Comment