Critique: "Promise"

“Promise” tells the story of a woman dealing with the resurfacing of her childhood fear of abandonment and feeling trapped. The story is told in second person, a mode I am usually wary of, but I think it works well here. At first I was thrown off and somewhat put off by it, but it settled in rather quickly and felt comfortable within the framework of the story. The story also uses ‘the Fear’ as a sort of character or at least a menacing force.

I enjoyed the framing of the story within this concert event as well as the return to the protagonist’s childhood to trace the lineage of the Fear. Still, I consider it worth experimenting or exploring new or different angles to tell this story. The story is almost entirely backstory, and I wonder how it might change if the perspective changed. Much is made of the protagonists seemingly prodigious talent, though nothing ever comes of it. To be truthful, the ending seems flat and I would expect there to be some resolution with the protagonist regarding her lifelong relationship with promise.

Critique: "Perfection"

Critique of “Perfection”

“Perfection” is a story about a painter in the midst of a crippling identity crisis. The man lost his dominant hand in a car accident and, despite therapy sessions, can’t get over it. The protagonist, unnamed, is self-righteous and at times whiny. He paints self-portraits exclusively and is obsessed with his self-image. His ‘task at hand’ is replicating what he considers a perfect self-portrait that he painted before the accident. The main character’s two apparent relationships are with his mother and his therapist, who both urge him to move on from the accident. But he is ‘an artist,’ and stands by that title.

The story flows nicely, and moves between action and exposition fluidly. The final realization of his replica is gripping prose, and I particularly like the transformation of color and how it changes. A great deal of backstory is given through recollection, and through this the reader is informed of the protagonist’s conflicts with his mother as well as the accident itself. I wonder if there is a better way to bring some of these up, so the switching between the artist at work on his replica and the backstory don’t flounder in their quasi-formulaic approach: the repetition of certain words and phrases conjuring memories, along the lines of ‘this reminded him of this other time that is inconspicuously relevant to this narrative.’

The story ends in a suicide, which I think gives the story too much finality. It might be poetic with the knife and the whole perfect portrait narrative, but as a reader, I feel somewhat cheated when a character I have invested interest in dies at the end. Nothing is left to the reader’s imagination.

Critique "Man With Two Souls"

“The Man with Two Souls” tells the story of an amnesiac that gathers a few clues about his identity, but doesn’t fully regain his life by the end of the story. There’s some very colorful language in this story, particularly during the sex scenes. Sex in literature is very unstable ground to tread on, especially without an explicit build toward the sexual climax. I wonder if the sex would work better at the end of the story, and rather than giving the reader such intense images to digest early on, leave them with those images.

Critique "Chimera"

“Chimera” is a story about a man, Harold, and his attempt to validate his dreams. Harold is in business with a company named Chimera that brokers dream capsules to customers. While the dreams that Chimera buys and sells are the literal nREM-sleep type of dream, it seems the dreams referred to in the story extend beyond the literal dream and into childhood dreams, etc. According to the story, Harold’s parents were emotionally detached, leading to Harold’s lack of self-direction in following his dreams and impulses as a child. Because of this detachment, Harold became an accountant and during his mid-life crisis, has decided to see what his dreams are really worth. I’d like to get more information on Harold’s relationship with his parents in order to see a bit more of how they influenced his upbringing and his adult life. I’d also like to see more about Harold’s practicality and efficiency and how that plays into his life on a more nuanced level, i.e. what is Harold’s life at home like? Does he live alone? Does he have friends?

This story features some great descriptions of Harold’s behavior as a ‘machine’ and completely empty in the mind while working. I am a fan of this line of philosophy/psychology and think it’s worth expanding on within the story or at least exploring in more depth. I am not sure what to make of the two pages of notes that follow the apparent ending of the story. I assume they are not intended to be read as part of the story, but I read them that way anyway and I think the concept could serve as an interesting experiment into dreams and unconsciousness.

Critique: “What Wasn’t Said”

“What Wasn’t Said” tells the story of two friends that have a falling out and never reconcile. The story is puzzling, for sure. I really don’t understand what the narrator felt was so horrible that it couldn’t be reconciled even after Peers’ many attempts to move past the issue. The narrator develops a weird detachment from Peers that it seems Peers cannot accept. The language throughout the piece is clear and effective, with a good mix of dialogue, action and exposition. I enjoyed the dissolution of the relationship as described in verbal exchanges. The story is very clear as far as what happens, I think this is one of its strongest points, but it is not as clear on why things happened the way they did, which I suppose can also be a strong point depending on perspective.

I guess I’m just having a real tough time with the ending. The voice within the story is so detached—it carries no nostalgia or love for Peers or working on the boats or anything mentioned. There is also a strong sense of suppressed emotions—the narrator would rather not think about things than think about them—but without the involuntary confusion and frustration that often (in my opinion) accompanies suppression and repression. Why focus on the neighbor in the final paragraph? Why leave the reader with that image rather than Peers? For the record, I like the questions asked; I like how the narrator internalizes a situation he has nothing to do with. I can identify with that. But I have a tough time grasping just why I’m left with the thought of the neighbor. 

Critique: "Nothing Ever Happens"

“Nothing Ever Happens” reads like a dream, although it is unclear what form of reality the narrative is set in. Is it a dream? Is Elijah dead? The story is injected with myriad colorful images and magical playfulness, sometimes to the story’s benefit, other times working against it. The sequence of events and images give it a strong sense of magical-realism. I like that the story is in present tense and begins with no background or context and just throws the reader into a chaotic world full of color and noise. We, the reader, are experiencing this world just as Elijah is.
While the story demands that the reader suspend their disbelief, I have no trouble doing this as the images and events are so vivid. The saturation of images and similes can be a little overwhelming and at times contrived, running off on long, winding tangents that pluck the reader from the scene and drop them in 12th-century Europe amidst fire and brimstone, giving the reader a strong glimpse into that alternate universe before ripping them right back into the story and Elijah.
I’m a bit torn on the title, as I always feel like lyrics from songs make great titles, but then feel kind of shitty because I can’t come up with one on my own. But then again, I do love Talking Heads. The title fits, and is relevant given what it refers to, and even offers a nice contradiction being that ‘heaven is a place where nothing ever happens,’ but then we see that so much happens to Elijah that it’s overwhelming and at times terrifying.

Critique: "A Trip to the Desert"

“A Trip to the Desert” is a story about the failed relationship between a mother and a daughter. The daughter, Cassiopeia, goes with her boyfriend to meet her mother, Moira, who lives alone in the desert, heartily decaying amongst the macaws. While there, Cassi breaks the news of her father’s (Moira’s ex-husband) death to her mother, who has no knowledge of this. Moira is a compelling character, as she at first seems like some decrepit witch, but she turns out to be well-intentioned and kind. This clash between Cassi’s view of her mother and her mother’s actuality is observed well by both the boyfriend and the reader. Cassi, however, is very cold and spiteful toward her mother to the point that it becomes unredeemable.

I’d like to see the scene in which Moira finds out her ex-husband got married again expanded. It feels like there’s a leap made between “He got...married?” and “Would you like to feed my macaw?” that could be smoothed over with a paragraph of thought or reflection. The feeding of the macaw implies an incoming reconciliation made between the mother and the daughter that is never fulfilled. This is something to consider when thinking of reader expectations.